Father forced to hand back ‘Worlds Greatest Dad’ mug after failing random drugs test


Father of 4, Ted Steadyboat’s reputation as a great dad appeared to be in taters last night as it emerged that the devoted dad and husband had tested positive for a performance enhancing drug. 


Such was Mr Steadyboat’s fathering aptitude that he was recently presented with a prestigious ‘World’s Best Dad’ mug to celebrate. The mug was awarded to him by his 4 children for his devotion and hard work in the pursuit of a perfect home.  His children: Mary (15), Tom (13), Claire (7) and Lewis (4), where believed to be distraught with the news. 


The eldest, Mary, told us: “We’re all devastated.  One minute you’re the perfect family, then the next thing you know you’re life is in ruins.  All because of someone who we all trusted turning out to be a big, fat cheat.”


Mr Steadyboat, or ‘Super Dad’ as he was also referred to, was presented with the mug 2 months ago on his 42 birthday.  The mug was in recognition of 16 years of his life devoted to the upbringing of his children;  Working 10 hours a day and still finding time to be with each of them, before spending a passionate night with his wife, fulfilling her every desire.

Mr Steadyboat off hit tits on caffeine


The tests seem to suggest, though, that the respected chartered accountant was heavily intoxicated with the drug ‘Caffeine’.  A drug know for its performance enhancing qualities. 


Eldest son Tom told us: “It’s easy to work 10 hours a day, 6 days a week in soulless job to get enough money to give us everything we could possible want, when you’re smacked off your tits on Carte Noire.”


“What ever happened to good old fashioned honesty?  I mean, why can’t people just devote there every second to the pursuit of making there thankless children happy without having to do this shit.   It makes me sick, “he continued.


"He’s not a real dad, he’s just a big fat cheat."

Daughter Mary, 15.

Ted Steadyboat’s wife, Kate, has spent the day consulting the family lawyer and it’s believed the couple are considering a trial separation.  Kate spoke briefly: “As you can imagine, this is something that I’m sure no family would wish to go through.  It’s bad enough having an uncle who is paedophile and a cousin who was one of the 9/11 terrorists, but having to deal with this as well is just too much to take.”



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