Man runs marathon with a pair of scissors


John Johnston yesterday became the first man to run an entire marathon while carrying a pair of sharp scissors.


Speaking exclusively to us after the race, an ecstatic Mr Johnston told us: "They said it couldn't be done… they said it shouldn't be done… but I did it.  I ran the whole race with a pair of scissors."


"All my life I've been told 'don't run with scissors… don't run with scissors'.  But I showed them.  My mum, yeah, she was always banging on about not running with scissors.  She was fucking obsessed by it, I tell you.  But look at me now.  I showed the old bitch, didn't I?"


Johnston, who was running to raise money for St Sebastian's Hospital for injured children, finished the 26 mile race in a respectable 5 hours and 23 minutes - running the whole race with the scissors and without any major incidences.


"It just shows how wrong people can be about things.  26 miles and almost no one injured.  With the exception of the slight accident with that little girl, the whole thing went without a problem.  I'm told that the girl isn't seriously injured, and that she should make a full recovery with most of, if not all of the sight in her left eye returning.


"Anyway," Johnston continued, "she was standing far too close to the front of the spectator's barriers.  Could she not see I had a pair of scissors in my hand, for fuck sake?  How stupid can some people be?"

The old lady after the race


"You can't really call the thing with the old woman an incident either.  She was all over the fucking shop, like some kind of fucking moron.  That was an accident waiting to happen.  Fucking old people.  You shouldn't be running in this race if you are wearing one of those things any how."


Has no one ever told him that's it's really dangerous to run with a pair of scissors?
Mary Hopkins

The pensioner, 67 year old widower Mary Hopkins, had to retire from the race after her colostomy bag was accidentally punctured.   She commented: "Has no one ever told him that's it's really dangerous to run with a pair of scissors?"


Johnston, 31, died later in the day after being hit by an ice-cream van.


In other marathon related news...  

Real horse dressed as pantomime horse wins London Marathon


More details on this story to follow…

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