Simon Stockley, Who can't be named for legal reasons

Fat man gets stuck in thin doorway

 

A fat men got stuck in a thin doorway yesterday, it was claimed.

 

Simon Stocky of Wolverhampton apparently got stuck while trying to exit from a shop in Manchester City Centre.  The shop, which can't be named for legal reasons, is believed to be part of the Top Man chain. 

 

Simon Explained: "It was like something out of a comedy program.  Like Porridge or something.  It was like Father Ted.  Only with me...  and a door... and without priests or the Irish."

 

Stocky, who can't be named for legal reasons, it expected to sue for post traumatic stress disorder.

 

"I was mortified.  It was like a horror film.  It was like being at the circus.  My lawyer expects that I could get thousands, which is a lot of money.  Then I'd be rich and that would be like Dynasty or Dallas or something."

 

"You'd think they would make the doors in these shops normal size, instead of really thin.  It was a disaster waiting to happen.  And it happened to me when I got stuck in the doorway." 

"It was like Father Ted, the good life and It ain't Half Hot Mum all rolled into one"
Stoc?ley quipped.

 

It's thought that Stockly, who is 63 stone, may have been the victim of a practical joke. 

 

Local shop owner Kimberly Thomson told us: "This is the third time in a few months that a fat person has gotten themselves stuck in a thin door.  These doors should be a regular size which make some of us think that they may be being tampered with."

 

Top Shop, which can't be named for legal reasons

We put this theory to structural engineer Granthem Wiseman who told us: "It's possible that someone has broken into the shopping centre in the middle of the night and altered the width of the door.  This would involve some extremely clever mechanical equipment, and expertise that would be far beyond anything currently available anywhere on the planet."

 

Mr Wiseman continued: "Or, the guy may just be really fucking fat."

 

The investigation continues.

 

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  In related news...  
 

Tall man bangs head on low doorway

 

More on this breaking news to follow

 
 
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